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Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Saturday, 2 January 2010
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
Very Bad Accident
A hunter was out enjoying a nice morning in the woods when he decided to take a leak. He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged ... shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, who said, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Chicago Symphony. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eyes!"
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor, who said, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
"Not exactly." answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Chicago Symphony. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eyes!"
Saturday, 26 December 2009
Christmast According to Psychiatric Patients
Christmast is over, how'd you spend your time? Was it happy, boring, or sad day?
We've surveyed some psychiatric patient what they think about christmast, and we've got some funny answers:
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Homicidal --- Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer and I was Driving....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Depressed --- Blue Christmas & I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy, can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
We've surveyed some psychiatric patient what they think about christmast, and we've got some funny answers:
1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Homicidal --- Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer and I was Driving....
6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Depressed --- Blue Christmas & I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy, can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --- Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Thursday, 24 December 2009
Merry Christmast! It's Time for Santa Claus to Have Fun!
Merry Christmast for all of you! How is your Christmast eve? Did Santa Clause visited you & gave a present?
It's been a busy week for Santa Claus, and after spending last night dropping present to people all around the world, now it's time for having fun! And the old man knows how to enjoying life much than we do. He's very old and experienced tough...
It's been a busy week for Santa Claus, and after spending last night dropping present to people all around the world, now it's time for having fun! And the old man knows how to enjoying life much than we do. He's very old and experienced tough...
Tuesday, 22 December 2009
Saturday, 19 December 2009
Friday, 18 December 2009
Think You Know Everything About Life? Then Think About This...
The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
Dance like it hurts,/ Love like you need money,/ Work when people are watching.
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not discover it.
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on.
Dance like it hurts,/ Love like you need money,/ Work when people are watching.
The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not discover it.
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization.
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
A compromise is the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
Thursday, 17 December 2009
World's Most Pointless Machine
Maybe it's not pointless at all...
I think it could be used as mousetrap or funny cardoor trap for car thief...
I think it could be used as mousetrap or funny cardoor trap for car thief...
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
Monday, 14 December 2009
German Tourist in NYC
A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In
Germany and many parts of Europe, McDonald's actually does serve beer.)The local
guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: "They don't serve BEER
here, you MORON!" The German fellow felt pretty stupid, but suddenly turns to
the New Yorker with a surprised look, and begins to chuckle.
"And what's so funny?!?" the New Yorker demands.
"Oh, nothing really, I just realized that you came here for the food."
Sunday, 13 December 2009
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Thursday, 10 December 2009
Saturday, 5 December 2009
Catholic Childrens
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, her figure is 38D - 24 - 34. When she walks into a room, people say,
"Oh My God !"
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, her figure is 38D - 24 - 34. When she walks into a room, people say,
"Oh My God !"
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Funny Adv Clip - Evian Roller Babies (International Version)
After posting some adult jokes for a while, now here comes our lovely babies in action!
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Old Age Romance
An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
she said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
she said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck. "Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Don't Do That Here, Please
Is there anyone could post the pict of bathroom pipes covered with semen? I just wondered how it looks like...
Friday, 27 November 2009
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
Birthday Present
A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday. They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How yadoin'?"His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before."Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave,and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam thedoor, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is havingnone of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a realbitch tonight, Dave."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave,and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam thedoor, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is havingnone of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a realbitch tonight, Dave."
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Santa Claus is Preparing for Christmas!
Yeah, Christmas is a month from now, and Santa Claus already started preparing for the big day!
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